Equine Vampiris- Chapter 2Twilight started to hyperventilate as she stared at the tiny white points sinking into the bright red gums of her bottom jaw, leaving no trace save for a few drops of blood where they had broken through the flesh. The dim light coming off her horn went out, leaving Twilight in darkness. She started to panic, feverishly scouring her mind for anything remotely similar to what was happening to her.
Vision: Whatever the monster did to Twilight in the first chapter seems to have taken hold of her in more ways than one. She seems to be operating on pure instinct now.
Originality: While I can see traces of vampire films from the fifties and the works of Whedon in this work, there's enough of the show in this to make it its own thing.
Technique: The running commentary as to what Twilight is thinking as she slowly mutates into something weird and scary helps not only to show us what's happened to her, it helps keep her somewhat sympathetic.
Impact: The Twilight that isn't an unholy creature of Luna's night is going to regret what she's doing; the part that is is going to be a bit smug about her new status.